Wisdom Workout

Your Friendship Quotient

Life without a friend is death without a witness.” (Rose Macaulay-1928)

Susan Velasquez

A benefit of living in Laguna is the easy involvement opportunities like the L.B. Woman’s Club or the American Association of University Women (AAUW), to name just two. There are over 150 non-profit organizations contributing to our community. Why not jump in, meet new people, get involved and get connected?

Here’s a little-known secret. Yes, there are many activities and interesting people to meet but there is also a whole lot of loneliness and isolation going on.

Sadly for many, handling day-to-day reality is taking so much energy that friendships are fading from neglect. Life’s demands seem to be on perpetual fast-forward.

True friendship building is an art. Nature’s goal is to have us move from total dependence on significant others to independence. The next step is to become a well self-regulated adult who is capable of interacting fruitfully with others in community. Sounds good, but easier said than done.

Interpersonal self-centeredness is at an all-time high. Some interesting trends have become the norm. When asked: Do you promptly return phone calls? Here is the predominant reply: “Only if I want something from them.” Do you call friends just to say hi? “No.” “Hardly ever.” “Only if I want something from them.”

If these answers sound familiar, your friendship behaviors are in need of an overhaul. Openness, acceptance, and curiosity are some of the skills needed for friendship building. Have you become emotionally armored so that you appear passionless or devoid of compassion? Have you become emotionally closed and have mistaken that for strength and autonomy?

Make time to venture out and seek out new friendships. Connections help nurture and sustain you through both the good times and the challenges. Start slow and easy, if you are out of practice in reaching out.

If you currently find yourself friendless and flying solo, I’ll make a deal with you. Pick up the phone and introduce yourself, or send me an e-mail and I promise I will respond. Next, make a commitment to begin the process of meeting others in town and before you know it, you will be a true Lagunatic, and proud of it.

Susan teaches seminars locally on self-inquiry and is the author of “Beyond Intellect: Journey Into the Wisdom of Your Intuitive Mind.” Contact her at www.susanvelasquez.com or (949) 494-7773.


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