Are You Happy?

Given all the holidays when we send wishes for happiness to those we love, let’s delve a little deeper into our personal relationship with happiness.

Happiness is a state of mind. How do we get it? What triggers the experience of being happy? What is it about happiness that makes it so elusive?

When we stop and reflect on our own experience of happiness, there are a few aspects of her personality that come immediately to light. Happiness seems a bit unstable. As a friend, she is unreliable, inconsistent and flighty. Frankly, she doesn’t score high in loyalty or accountability either.

The truth is, she is downright self-centered and difficult to please for any length of time. I know this sounds like blatant character assassination, but we need to have a heart to heart talk to clearly assess whether it is even worth spending the time and energy to court her into our lives.

She may simply be too much trouble. If that is the case, at least we can stop striving in that direction and settle for an experience that is safer and more secure, like mild contentment, for example.

Though happiness is quite well known and widely accepted in many social circles, she comes from a family background that includes some sketchy characters. Since early influences can play a part in character building they should be taken into consideration.

Spontaneity, passion, zest for living, exuberance and gaiety are direct relatives of hers. To be fair, she does have a brother who has made quite a name for himself in spiritual circles by channeling well-intentioned enthusiasm. Since the word enthusiasm literally means, ‘filled with God’ this does seem to lift him above reproach.

In general though, happiness seems to be a wild child. She shows up on your doorstep with sunlight streaming through her hair and winds of delight whistling around her. A pink light settles in down and around your daily life so that it all seems friendlier. Nothing is different and yet everything seems easier and hopeful.

No wonder we long for a visit from happiness and are willing to ignore the fact that when she leaves it is devastating. It can make us wish we had never met her because the loss is so great.

Once happiness has visited your life, you are never the same. If she is a consistent house guest, some self-congratulations are called for here. It means that you have mastered certain skills that allow her to come often and stay long.

Happiness lives on her own time line. She cannot and will not tolerate demands or heavy-handed control measures. She will only respond to a light, accepting touch. She is highly curious and changes her mind often. It is pointless to try to pin her down with contracts or commitments. She is a free agent.

Happiness requires us to let go of our tight hold that keeps us stifled, controlled and emotionally restricted. We must be willing to open our minds and hearts to the unpredictable, uncontrollable aspects of life by easing up on our need to know and be right.

There is one big secret about happiness that, once you know it, will give you the key to her lifelong friendship. I have waited this long to tell you because I want to make sure that you are sincere about wanting happiness in your life and capable and worthy of her friendship.

This will take a bit of explaining.

I am sure you are familiar with the phrase: Misery loves company. The truth is that misery does love company and his main companion is happiness. I know this may be hard to grasp but hear me out.

Misery and happiness are soul mates. He loves her and will never let her go. She wouldn’t think of leaving him either. They are so secure in their relationship that each carries out their life purpose individually and then they reconnect at appropriate times to keep their relationship alive and well.

Now, don’t take my word on this. See for yourself. Recall a time in your life when you were particularly happy. Now push the memory further until you find the edge when happiness turned into something else. Recall how it seemed that happiness started to slip away and was replaced by another experience. If you look closely, you will discover that the new experience brought some form of misery. It was simply misery coming to find his love and reunite with her.

The secret to solidifying an intimate relationship with happiness is to wholeheartedly welcome our past and present sorrows and heart hurts, our miseries, into our lives. When we choose to welcome both happiness and misery as equal partners in the dance of life, they can finally live together and allow their love to weave their wisdom and magic into the fabric of your life.

Susan is a local and author of Beyond Intellect: Journey Into the Wisdom of Your Intuitive Mind. Learn more at: susanvelasquez.com.