Opinion: Pet Peeves

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Life Coach-Lesson 14

By Mark Crantz

These are strange times. In April, there were impromptu neighborhood Easter parades and Easter egg hiding contests. This year for the first time, Easter eggs were hidden in one field and children searched in another field six feet apart. That event ended badly when no eggs were found. There was a lot of crying and rude comments made about the Easter Bunny, who doesn’t have a good and naughty list like Santa to deter revengeful children.   And I’m sure you’ve seen the birthday parties, where the police, fire and paramedics drive by with sirens blaring. The birthday parades are highly attended by burglars in the backyards. “Look at this score… I got myself one big wheel, one skateboard, one care bear and one pretty pony.”

A fire chief drove a fire truck to a six-year old child’s birthday party and commented, “The smile on her face was one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen.”  This was an amazing comment, because the birthday girl was wearing a mask.  Another family, who was not wearing masks and did not have smiles on their faces, watched as their house burned down a block over. The father of a non-birthday girl commented, “And we don’t have one to grow on. That was are one and only house.”

People have been inventive during the pandemic. A Pennsylvania grandma held up a sign in her living room window. It read, “Need Beer.” A national beer company came to her rescue with 155 cans. What? 155 cans make no sense. 26 (six-packs) make 156 cans; 13 (12-packs) make 156 cans; 10 (15-packs) make 150 cans; nine (18-packs) make 162 cans; and 6 (24-packs) make 144 cans; five (30-packs) make 150 cans.

Geez, doing the math almost killed me. Wait a second, while I down one. I hope someone alerts grandma that she got ripped off. There are missing beer cans in this largesse. It’s a sad day when a beer company would take advantage of a senior citizen. I pray when it comes time for her liver transplant the beer company isn’t involved. I can hear the beer company spokesmen now, “We didn’t make you drink, so we don’t cover livers… onions yes. Bloomin’ onions are provided in full.”

Others have done good deeds by raising money for medical personnel. My favorite is the British guy, who celebrated his 100th birthday by taking his walker and passing his garden 100 times. He raised $60 million dollars. This was an amazing feat and a British tea company offered to send him 155 tea bags. Oh no…not that number again. And the poor guy has national health coverage when his stomach goes kaput.

Crantz tells the Indy that his family gave him a parade.  It was the day it rained.        

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