Pet Peeves: No More Dirty Looks

By Mark D. Crantz


2 col pet peeves Mark CrantzI found paradise in Laguna Beach. Now the trick is figuring out how to stay here. My 201K can buy you only so many nights.

I’ve called my therapist, Dr. Arnie Paypal for advice on a suitable second career. He says it’s most important to follow your passion. Dr. Paypal’s passion is securing his own retirement first. I have to cough up $300 before professional advice can begin. Paypal won’t accept Bitcoins and thinks the Winklevoss twins should be universally defriended on Facebook. Paypal denounces these ‘Richie Rich’ kids and the destructive nature of nepotism and cronyism when it doesn’t apply to him. “My folks were poor. It’s their fault I have to make a living by listening to the sniffling problems of others. I should have been born with a silver spoon in my mouth instead of living hand to mouth. I hate my parents. That’s enough about me. I’m sure your problems can’t compare. Give it a shot.  What’s got you down?”

Well, I like my parents a lot. My problem is that I need a second career to supplement my retirement. I don’t know anybody who can get me a job.

“Crantz I’m not a head hunter.  I’m a head healer. Yours is not on straight, so don’t use me as a reference. If you do, that’s another $300.”

I appreciate the offer, Doctor, but isn’t it true that it’s not what you know, but who you know?

“Crantz, nobody cares what you know and anybody that knows you is not impressed. Are you sure you’re not the third twin of the Winklevoss’? Look, let’s start this session on the right foot. It is Sunday and I should be charging you time and a half, but I took an oath to do no harm. In that medicinal spirit let’s start the healing with spirits at Hennessey’s Tavern. Bloody Mary’s are only $5. You pick up the tab and I’ll dispense invaluable advice on how you find a job and how you’ll apologize to AA on the ninth step. Then we will go to the beach and build organizational charts in the sand. Think of it as a field trip.”

Doctor Paypal was a man of his word. At least what I can remember. Hennessey’s was fun and I enjoyed building organizational charts in the sand. Doctor Paypal explained that the perfect organizational chart had one box on top, some boxes in the middle and many boxes at the bottom. The optimal shape was a pyramid. Cleopatra was the first perfect CEO. It was very clear in Egypt who answered to who. Today in Egypt it’s not so clear.

Paypal went on to explain on a local level, that the school district appears to have distorted the organizational chart. There seems to be too many boxes near the top and not enough in the middle and bottom. This situation is an inverted pyramid and creates dissension and makes for many parents and teachers’ dirty looks. Therein lies the lesson. Too many managers spoil the school district.


Mark is a transplant to Laguna from Chicago. He occasionally writes the guest column “Pet Peeves.”  His recently deceased Border Collie, Pokey, is his muse and ghostwriter.

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