Thrilla at the Grilla



I recently had a fowl and corny encounter at high noon with a policeman and lifeguard at a Main Beach park concrete chess table.

I was cited for possession of a BBQ! The BBQ lid was on, so they could not possibly have seen any fowl play! Ears of corn were next to the chicken on the grill, yet they heard no fowl either.

A drooling Officer Rock Wagner and Senior Lifeguard Travis Lowry had approached me for barbecuing corn and chicken, though they mentioned they saw no safety concerns to cluck about.

Officer Wagner, in his usual professional and courteous manner, asked what he could do to bring the situation to a quick cluckclusion.

I mentioned I had forgotten dessert. Could he please go pick up a chocolate cake?

When I asked if I could bribe him with a wing and a thigh, he declined though obviously in pain of hunger from the fowl and corny odor.

A passerby heard our fowl language and suggested I had offered the wrong parts of the chicken as a bribe. Dummy me. Everybody knows men like breasts and legs!

Mr. Lowry, being the professional he is, immediately responded. He noticed the chicken on the grill was unresponsive and immediately started CPR. Unfortunately, he broke the wishbone and now faces seven years of bad cluck!

Both Officer Wagner and Mr. Lowry performed their duties like cluckwork in a very fowl environment, and should be commended for not chickening out.

It makes you wonder what kind of bird brains make fowl laws like this. They should have their giblets barbequed!


Leonard J. Porto III, Laguna Beach

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