Who’s Letting the Dogs Out?



Open letter to certain neighbors: I can’t figure it out. Have I offended you in some way?  Because I can’t for the life of me think of another reason why you would leave your dog’s poop on my front walk. Not even on the grass; on the walk. And I have dog poop bags available on my gate in case you forgot yours.


Granted, I don’t have a “curb your dog” sign.  Is a sign truly required for you to realize I don’t want your dog’s poop in front of my house?


For the record, I absolutely love dogs.  I grew up with dogs.  And I was responsible for walking them as a kid.  And hey, a dog’s gotta go, I know.  But even as a self-absorbed teenager it never once entered my mind to not pick up after my dog. As much as I hated the job, I couldn’t imagine leaving it for someone else.  After all, the only thing worse than picking up your dog’s poop is picking up someone else’s dog’s poop.


Judging by the fecal variety left on my walk and the tiny strip of grass next to my driveway (the one I walk through to get to my gate) I have at least three or four recurring poop-leaving neighbors. Since I find it hard to believe that any one person could be so inconsiderate much less three separate people, I must conclude that I have somehow given offense and that these neighbors are expressing their loathing of either me or my house.  So in the interest of being a good neighbor I have a request:  The next time you decide to leave a steaming pile in front of my house could you please also leave a note telling me what I did to deserve it? I can’t really fix the problem if you won’t tell me what I did wrong.


Whether you hate me, you’re lazy or you are evil incarnate, I should let you know that I intend to find out who you are. I apologize in advance to all my responsible pet-owning neighbors, but until I know who’s behind this I will quiz all dog walkers and I will ask to see their baggie supply. I hope you understand. The inconsiderate acts of a few have turned me into the Poop Patrol.


You offenders could save us all the hassle and embarrassment and just start picking up after your pooches. I’ll keep the baggies on the gate for you.


Maggie Hanson, Laguna Beach


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