Happiness is Found in the Ordinary
By Melissa Harris
Many years ago, I was the victim of a violent crime. In the moments that I was facing my death, I was surprised by the thoughts in my head. I always believed that, at the end of my life, I would regret not seeing the natural wonders of the world with my children, climbing tall mountains, or publishing a book—big things that people talk about and celebrate as accomplishments.
To my surprise, my mind was mostly consumed by the thought of never being able to pick my children up from school again, and how much I was going to miss lazy Saturday mornings around the breakfast table.
Like many people who survive a near-death experience, it fundamentally changed the way I view and live my life. Because we are able to learn from others, it is my hope that you never have to face cancer or survive a car wreck to implement the lessons I learned that have transformed my happiness and perspective on life.
Everything is temporary. Staying up all night with newborn babies, 2-year-old temper tantrums, and teaching teenagers to drive are all life events that don’t last. Neither do beautiful sunsets, hugs, your child’s middle-school choir concert, or phone calls with your mother. This realization helps me enjoy the times in life that might otherwise be overwhelming or reminds me to take pause and appreciate whatever life allows me to experience.
Enjoy the things we get to do. I have a good friend who survived cancer. She talks about how disease made it so she wasn’t able to do day-to-day stuff, like dishes or her child’s hair in the morning. These are things she often viewed as a chore before getting sick. After her cancer went into remission, she stopped saying, “I have to…” She now says, “I get to…” This small shift in language can remind us how lucky we are to be able to do all the things we want (or don’t want) to do.
Live in the moment. If we want to be miserable, most of us can look to our past and find something horrible enough to justify our sadness. We can also look toward the future and find plenty of things to be anxious about. Happiness exists in living right now and letting go of yesterday or worrying about things that will likely never happen. By being present with our thoughts and actions, we can truly be here for the ones we love and experience life to the fullest.
Life is about love. I guess you could say the near-death experience put a fork in the road for me. I could choose to embrace love and forgiveness or I could let the fear of what I experienced define me. I realized the cost of choosing fear was too great. I often ask myself if the actions I am about to take are coming from a place of love or fear. I know that if the answer is love, it is the right choice for me. My biggest mistakes have always come from listening to fear.
Don’t postpone happiness. As a professor, I get to see many students who are working toward their goals. I often hear them say they are stressed and how their lives will be complete once they have their degree, dream job, they are married, or whatever they feel will complete them somewhere in the future. These things are great, but they do not guarantee happiness. Find ways to cultivate joy in your life right now, in this moment. Happiness comes from choosing to see all the places that already exists in our lives.
I still look forward to the big moments, like traveling with my family. I still look forward to climbing mountains. And I still hope to publish a book—or maybe five. However, if I do none of these things, I can say that my life is truly awesome. I have discovered the happiness of appreciating how extraordinary an ordinary day truly is.
Melissa decided to bring the happiness classroom to Laguna Beach residents by opening the Positive Psychology and Wellness Lab on PCH. She works one-on-one with clients to help them implement the science of happiness in their own lives. When she isn’t teaching or in the Lab, she practices creating happiness by being in nature, sharing time with her family and hanging from aerial silks.
