Opinion: Pet Peeves

Hi Neighbor

The Laguna Beach Unified School District released its 2023 Annual Report. I got this report by mail. It said, “Hi, Neighbor.” The postman parroted, “Hi, neighbor,” when he handed it to me and added, “$20, please.” I gasped. “What? Did the school district send this report COD (collect on delivery)?’’ The postman chuckled. “No, no. It’s a suggested tip for delivering you good news. The kids are getting educated, and the schools are financially healthy. Good news, right? $20 please.”

Well, the postman always rings twice, I thought. I had never heard of tipping for good news. I probably should just hand over the $20 and be done with it. I don’t get much good news. Tipping could only amount to $40, $60 a year at most. “Well…you know…I got a better idea,” I said. “I’ll give you $20 if you give me $20 every time I get bad news.” The postman winced. “Cannot do, bro. I’ve seen your mail. If I agreed, I would be as bankrupt as the US Post Office. Look, I just want to keep pace with the coffee baristas.”

The report emphasized going beyond basic reading, writing and arithmetic. The school district shared its Living Library Initiative. “The Laguna Beach Unified School District invites the public to share their knowledge and life stories to foster a new generation of informed learners and leaders. The Living Library connects students with local experts for brief sessions designed to cultivate a love for learning and curiosity. It allows students to explore various subjects and career paths, enhancing their education with real-world perspectives and tailored interactions.”

Sounds good, right? You’ve lived a lifetime. You probably have a lifetime of regrets, sorrows, misadventures and resulting jail time. Why not explain to kids how the deck is stacked against them? They’re never going to get ahead. The Man will keep them under their thumb with mortgages embedded by heavy laden interest; there will be ever-rising property taxes, irrespective of market value, then a lifetime paying tuition costs, and finally, another generation that will never leave home they now only dream of. Yes, let’s rip off the band-aid and tell them now.

I think I’ll volunteer. I participated once in this kind of initiative. Back in the 80s, I worked at a not-for-profit teaching hospital HMO. The Illinois HMO Executives Association hired a group of retired business executives to mentor working HMO employees and share their expertise in business, marketing, and accounting practices. My assigned mentor was a retired marketing vice president of Spiegel Catalog. He was a nice man, regaling me with marketing stories peppered with advice. After a few months, my boss asked me how the mentoring was going. I knew this was a favored high-level project, so I looked my boss in the eye and said, “He sure knows his marketing. In my marketing presentations, he has suggested to stand very still in my underwear, just like the catalogs required in his day.” Of course, this advice was never given, but it was the story I told the boss to suggest my time could be better spent elsewhere.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m in support of the Living Library Initiative. I’ve been stretching and folding myself to fit on a library shelf to wait for a teenager to check out a guy filled with many stories with perhaps a smattering of good advice between the pages of life.

Crantz tells the Indy that the stretching is easier than the folding up part. He asks organizers for a low library shelf. It will help.