A Kinder Laguna
Did you notice in the Indy that Councilman Steve Dicterow, concerned about the decline of civility in public affairs, is starting a kindness campaign? Most would agree our society is unusually polarized today. From Washington D.C. to city hall, there’s a dearth of harmony that is toxic, unhelpful, and unhealthful. What to do? I consulted two experts to understand, one a PhD with a book on the subject, the other a first grader. Here’s what I learned.
The first grader, I’ll call her Kate, explained the problem in terms I could understand. “Happiness,” she said, “is like a bucket with a hole in it. We’re happy when the bucket is full, but it runs out, especially when we do mean things.” Kate didn’t explain “mean things,” but her knowing look inferred they were a common human failing. “We’re sad when our bucket is empty,” she observed, “but kind deeds fill the bucket and make us happy again.” She gave me an encouraging look with her 6-year-old eyes and promised, “It’s not hard to be kind.”
I next turned to a review of an updated book, “The Five Side Effects of Kindness,” by David R. Hamilton, PhD. Kindness, according to Hamilton, has wondrous effects. Besides making us happier, as first-grader Kate explained, science says kindness protects our hearts, slows aging, improves relationships, and, most encouraging, is contagious. When we are kind, our body produces powerful endogenous chemicals, like oxytocin, that make us happy. These decline with time, but the habit of kindness restores their level. It’s just as little Kate explained with her bucket analogy.
Oxytocin is important to social bonding. A mother with a new baby secretes giant doses in her non-stop caring, creating a strong, protective bond. One can’t help but notice how children play a central role in the production of oxytocin. I was reading about the social turmoil in San Francisco the other day, where social media billionaires unhappily share sidewalks with the homeless. I was struck by a telling statistic: of America’s cities, San Francisco has the lowest percentage of children. No wonder they have problems; we’re more blessed in Laguna.
Dicterow rightly acknowledges you can’t legislate kindness, but notes the power of example. Kindness is contagious; it has a ripple effect. There can be three degrees of influence: besides blessing us, kindness helps our friends, their friends, and the friends of their friends. A little kindness goes a long way.
I was a little concerned for Steve Dicterow, that he might be doing the Don Quixote thing, tilting at windmills. But I’m more optimistic since I read this quote by Margaret Mead, American cultural anthropologist: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world: indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” I’m with Dicterow—Laguna can be a kinder place and it begins with each of us. But to ensure success, it’s best to involve the children. There’s meaning in that.
Skip fell in love with Laguna on a ‘50s surfing trip. He’s a student of Laguna history and the author of Loving Laguna: A Local’s Guide to Laguna Beach. Email: [email protected].
Places to worship (all on Sunday, unless noted):
Baha’i’s of Laguna Beach—contact [email protected] for events and meetings.
Calvary Chapel Seaside, 21540 Wesley Drive (Lang Park Community Center), 10:30 a.m.
Chabad Jewish Center, 30804 S. Coast Hwy, Fri. 6 p.m., Sat. 10:30 a.m., Sun. 8 a.m.
Church by the Sea, 468 Legion St., 9 & 10:45 a.m.
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon), 682 Park Ave., 10 a.m.
First Church of Christ, Scientist, 635 High Dr., 10 a.m.
ISKCON (Hare Krishna), 285 Legion St., 5 p.m., with 6:45 feast.
Jehovah’s Witnesses, 20912 Laguna Canyon Rd., 1:00 p.m.
Laguna Beach Net-Works, 286 St. Ann’s Dr., 10 a.m.
Laguna Presbyterian, 415 Forest Ave., 8:30 & 10 a.m.
Neighborhood Congregational Church (UCC), 340 St. Ann’s Drive, 10 a.m.
United Methodist Church, 21632 Wesley, 10 a.m.
Salt Chrch, 8681 N. Coast Hwy, 10:00 a.m.
St. Catherine of Siena (Catholic), 1042 Temple Terrace, 7:30, 9, 11, 1:30 p.m. (Spanish), 5:30 p.m. There are 8 a.m. masses on other days and Saturday 5:30 p.m. vigils.
St. Francis by the Sea (American Catholic), 430 Park, 9:30 a.m.
St. Mary’s Episcopal Church, 428 Park Ave., 8:00 & 10:30 a.m.
Unitarian Universalist, 429 Cypress St., 10:30 a.m.
Thank you for the ease with which I could subscribe to the Indy. I mean to pick it up at local shops downtown Laguna but often cannot. I get other local news along with my Los Angeles Times but the Indy is the best.