Finding love later in life
Dear Susi Q: I’m lonely. I want to find a partner, a soulmate. But I’m 75. Should I just give up?
–Lonely in Laguna
In short, absolutely not! If you’re in good health, vital, and engaged in life, there is no reason, no matter your age, to miss out on a good, loving relationship.
I believe it is important that you make sure you’re in a healthy place and at peace with yourself before you embark on a search for a partner. Own your emotional baggage, think about your needs and make sure you know what you want in a relationship. It is important to be self-reflective; you do not want be too demanding, or, on the other hand, too much of a people-pleaser.
Of course, it’s hard to meet someone new at any age, and more so as we get older. Last year, at the age of 77, I was fortunate enough to meet a wonderful man, and we’re still together – in separate homes, with neither of us looking for marriage, happy to share many special moments.
I met Robert through the internet, probably the way most seniors meet today. Online dating doesn’t have the stigma that it perhaps had in the past. I have some caveats though. Be willing to take some emotional risks. Recognize there may be disappointment. Be prepared: people may lie about their appearance, so you may be surprised when you meet them – which, by the way, should always be in a coffee shop or somewhere safe with lots of people around.
Always pay attention to your inner voice, and to what is right for you. I was married twice. Both marriages were rich in love. I lost my second husband suddenly almost nine years ago. The grief journey was long and complicated. I did not seek to date until I knew I could open my heart again.
I actually had a good history with dating before the internet. I met my late husband in 1993 through the romance section in the Pennysaver! My ad was anonymous, which made me feel really safe. His response was a long and thoughtful letter, making it easier to recognize the writer’s authenticity and identify common values and interest. It is a bit more complicated on the internet, but possible.
It’s great if you can meet someone through volunteering or shared interests, but that isn’t always easy, of course.
It is a good idea to have a girlfriend to share the story of your journey, to laugh and cry and have a cheerleader on your side.
Ultimately, you need to be willing to be open to the new and to possibility. It’s challenging to put yourself out there, but the rewards are worth it. As always, we can choose to be positive and enjoy the here and now and our independence!
–Vivian Clecak semi-retired therapist and facilitator of Susi Q’s “Discovering Your Purpose in Retirement” series
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Times have changed when a lady can publish “we’re still together – in separate homes, with neither of us looking for marriage” and call it a great relationship. But I guess it’s all rationalized by anyone into trend setting therapy. How come no marriage sacrament in the traditional Judeo-Christian value? It’s sad the 10 Commandments are too complicated for people like this who call themselves leaders publishing their columns.