Cannonballs
By Mark D. Crantz
Pools are the topic of the day. The Indy poll shows 75% want a community pool. While 25% can’t swim a stroke.
My Dad couldn’t swim a stroke, either. And I tried my darndest to teach him in a community pool. He wasn’t afraid of water. He mixed it with his scotch each day. He was relaxed and willing to learn. He was a strong, stocky guy. Good for floating, right? Wrong. He sunk like a rock. I’m not a physician, but I play one at home, and I believe his bones were too dense. But the saving flotation was he could hold his breath underwater for 5 minutes plus. In fact, he was so good at it that my Mother designated him as our lifeguard while on vacation at various motel pools. This meant she could get some peace and quiet from us every five minutes between looking out the motel window just in case. She was a great swimmer and diver who taught us kids how to save dad when he was down there too long.
The great debate is whether we should build one high school pool that is 50 miles long to the Mexican border. Or do we build a city pool 25 miles long and build a border fence around both to keep immigrants from drowning? Tough choice. I say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, so long as all three birds stay out of our pools. Maintenance is very important in pools, regardless of how many pools we are talking about. Remember readers how you spell pools…poo..ls. That’s right. Grammatically, there’s poo in pools. Maintenance and pool service guys are super important. We must have enough funds left over from building the pools and filling them up to make sure they are disease-free. Pool guys never recommend putting water bars in them because too many patrons put the pee in, pee…ls. That doesn’t work like poo in pools. Oh well, it’s equally disgusting. Say no to bars in either the community or the school pools.
Now, the great debate is how much these pools will cost. I remember from my childhood community pool days that I loved to look for change in the diving well. Swimmers would go off the high and low boards and lose their change and bathing suits occasionally. I would return the suits but keep the change. When I had enough change, I would go to the snack bar and treat myself to a beer. Yes, readers, the problem started very early and became a lifelong habit, and now I dive for pearls with Japanese divers who can hold their breath as long as my Dad.
How much these pools cost is serious business. I remember hearing a story about Ernest Hemingway, who was building a house in the Key West. His wife insisted on a pool. The construction dragged on and the costs went up and up. As the pool was being finished, Hemingway reached in his pocket, pulled out his last penny and instructed the pool guy to embed it in the cement around the pool.
He went with one pool. We’re going for two pools. So remember, we’re going to need two pennies. Cannonballs!
Crantz tells the Indy that he found a fly in his soup. When asked what was it doing in his soup. He answered, “The backstroke. There wasn’t a community pool available for it.” Build the pools. Keep our soups safe.
