Pet Peeves


Horse Sense

By Mark D. Crantz
By Mark D. Crantz

I got a bronco kick out of reading Indy’s “Echo of Range Era in Horse’s Escape.” I was most pleased that a horse could go a mile down 133 in one day. Cars can’t do that. Imagine this horse, yesteryear’s transportation, beating back to the barn all of Orange County’s Maseratis, Porsches, Ferraris and Teslas. Makes me giggle. The horse cost $500. The cars cost a lot more for horsepower that didn’t get them home before the horse got there to bond with their wife and kids. Made each of them feel like an a__ __ , don’t you think?

People my age grew up on cowboy and horse movies. How old am I? Let’s just say that people my age have to get other people to lend you their hands to show others how old you are. I’m 65. So, I need six people showing 10 fingers, plus one showing five fingers. It gets expensive lugging all these people around in anticipation of this age-old question popping up. Penny-pinching friends have resolved this dilemma by adopting a flash card approach. Of course, you run the risk that your age could be a gang sign that gets you caught in a drive by of your own making. Horse sense suggests keeping the entourage system over the flash card approach, even if it’s more expensive. Safety first.

I wonder where the horse was going? I don’t know. My only childhood animal experience was the game Barrel of Monkeys. Had monkeys escaped their barrel on 133 you can rest assured that they would have remained hooked together and easily brought back to the barrel. Monkeys are smart. Safety first.

But this horse was acting alone. I asked a horse whisperer to explain this behavior. The horse whisperer answered. I couldn’t hear him. “Speak up. I can’t hear you.” He stomped his foot. I tried again. “Where did this horse think it was going?” The horse whisperer neighed and took off down 133 before I got an answer.

I was on my own to figure out why this horse was headed to Laguna Beach. The horse could have gone the other way. I decided to do what the City Council does. I hired consultants. The consultants concluded at the end of the first contract to extend their contract to encompass all other animals lined up in pairs to pinpoint why animals migrate to Laguna Beach. At the conclusion of the second contract, the consultants advised that an ark be built to improve the animals’ chances to get to Laguna Beach. Safety first.

On the way down 133, the ark stalled. The animals became nervous and started to jump ship. The consultants concluded the migration was disrupted because there was no village entrance to assure the animals that there was a city with barns behind it. They headed to Costa Mesa. The pair of consultants went, too. Costa Mesa city council hired them to study the advisability of taking down their village entrance.

The consultants concluded at the end of their contract to reduce the scope of the study to one lone horse and then go with additional contracts from there. “Hi-Yo, Silver! Away.”


Crantz refused to tell the Indy whether Costa Mesa finally took down their village entrance unless he was given a sugar cube first.  




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