Pet Peeves


One Short

By Mark D. Crantz

The city council came to an abrupt halt. Before them were two forks in the road. A councilperson said, “One fork in the road is bad enough. But two forks? Now there are four paths to choose from. Which path do we take, and which paths do we forego?” A resident answered, “Take all of them. There are almost enough paths for each councilperson to be named after one with a beautiful commemorative plaque.” The council thought it over. “Nice idea. But we are one path short. Somebody won’t get a path plaque. How do we decide who doesn’t get a plaque?” So as it is in governance, city council hired a consultant, who then was directed to make a call to the Ukraine to see how they did quid pro quo

While the council waited for a return call, the city leaders went to inspect the four trails. They tussled over naming the four historic trails. On the first trail inspection, a councilperson suggested this one be christened the “Iseman Isthmus.” Immediately, the group scoffed at the suggestion. “No way. This trail is not an isthmus. You need lakes on either side to declare it an isthmus.” In a 4-1, vote they threw the suggestion and the councilperson suggesting it over the side. They cupped their ears to wait for the splash that never came. “See no isthmus. It’s good to be proven right.” But their glee did not last long when a councilperson realized, “Oops. We have the same problem. This trail is unnamed leaving three trails, but four councilpersons wanting plaques. We’re still one short.”

They went to the next historic trail. It was very steep and rough going. A councilperson exclaimed, “A goat isn’t safe walking down one of these paths.” A councilperson responded. “Yes, you’re right. We’ll call this one “Blake’s Goatcha Trail.” The council voted. It was deadlocked, two for and two against. The council looked perplexed, but came to a quick resolution. One of the naysayers was thrown over the cliff and sacrificed to the ‘Tell It Like It Is” god. Blake’s plaque was approved. Attendees swore to never go down it for fear of the lashing one would take getting to the other side.

Now there were two trails left for three plaques. The council was tense. Somebody was not going to be remembered for exemplary civic work. They went into closed session to talk things over. A councilperson said, “Someone’s feelings are going to get hurt. So, I suggest the only logical thing to do is to close down the remaining trails, plus the one that turned out not to be an isthmus.” The vote was taken. In a unanimous, 3-0 vote, the trails were closed. While the remaining councilpersons sulked over their lost path plaques, a funny thing happened. “Blake’s Goatcha Trail” was self-decommissioned and the property was returned to the rightful owners.

Crantz tells the Indy that he is not good at choosing the fork in the road. He much prefers spoons when it comes to cutlery.

Share this:


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here