Guest Opinion: Wisdom Workout


Instant Intimacy

Susan Velasquez

By Susan McNeal Velasquez

In our fast-paced society, we have come to expect that everything, including intimacy, can be created instantly. Since the internet, connections are easily made, and a new acquaintance can appear to be a relationship match based solely online.

Intuition is called our sixth sense because it is the ability to synthesize information from our five senses to establish a deeper information stream. When we meet another face-to-face, our eyes take them in as we sense their energy. Underneath the surface banter we all use, a tremendous amount of information is readily available if we allow ourselves to attune to it. There is an apt saying, ‘ who you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear a word you are saying.’

I often have clients who have entered into a relationship and become intimately involved based solely on the fact that they have corresponded back and forth through e-mail, texts or phone calls, each time becoming more and more open without having any information about the other person from their other senses. 

Being open and self-revealing is crucial in building trust with one another. No openness, no trust. Too much openness too soon violates self-trust. Runaway openness can leave you unsafe and vulnerable to manipulation. It invites others into your inner life before they have been qualified as honorable enough to be let in. Openness is a skill that is crucial and a deciding factor in our success or failure in relationships. 

Our awareness of ourselves can be divided into two levels. The first level is what we are aware of about ourselves and can share quite easily with little or no discomfort. What sits below this level is more sensitive information. It is what you are aware of about yourself that makes you more exposed and vulnerable. This is the level that is best managed by your intuitive knowledge about yourself and your intuitive sensing of another. 

A question needs to be answered before you share sensitive information about yourself. The question is: Am I willing to fully own these thoughts and feelings before I share them with another? When this question is considered before sharing intimate information about yourself, your history, wants, needs, desires and dreams, you have a green light to share whatever you deem appropriate. When willing to take full responsibility for our openness, we can use our sharing to establish authentic relationships with others.

This, under the surface level is a two-edged sword. Our willingness to disclose our private selves is a supreme gift that creates the possibility of creating timeless friendships. Sharing from this intimate storehouse also creates the experience of being out of control. Once we publish information, it is in the hands of the gods. It threatens the carefully put-together image management that makes us appear ready for prime time.

When we risk exposing our deeper thoughts and feelings, it makes room for new awareness’ to surface. In our culture, we commonly have two types of problems with our feelings. We are either blind to our emotions or blinded by them. To the extent our emotions are stifled, we lead stunted lives. Our emotions enrich the quality of our lives because they help define what is most important to us. 

When deciding how open to be, take a moment to determine what thoughts and feelings you are presently aware of that you are willing to share easily. Express yourself from that level. Listen and receive the other person’s response. Check in again. Next, ask yourself what you are aware of but would be uncomfortable sharing. Decide whether you are willing to risk short-term discomfort to share this. A yes means a vote of confidence that you are willing to trust yourself and this other person more. A no means that you have reached your trust boundaries and are unwilling to venture forward either because you don’t trust yourself or you don’t trust them. All this is good information as you increase your ability to be respectful and patient with yourself about what you are willing to reveal.

Take calculated risks. Test the water. See whether you can trust the vulnerable areas of your life to another. The benefits of taking the risk to share on a deeper level is increased access to our own emotional richness and the opportunity to be known more fully by those significant others in our lives.

Susan writes and produces personal development seminars and is the author of: Beyond Intellect: Journey into the Wisdom of Your Intuitive Mind.

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