Holiday Digest: All I Want for New Year’s

Victoria Kertz. Submitted Photo

By Victoria Kertz

Hey, Laguna! It’s your thrifty cousin next door, Aliso Viejo! 

Just popping into your local paper to wish you a happy and healthy new year! We’re grateful to be your neighbor and to live so close to such a beautiful and cultured place! Did you know that you’re our favorite city? Sorry, Laguna Woods!

Anyhoo, while we’re here, we know that New Year’s is an eve to celebrate, but we’re still kind of recovering from a really wild election in November. We’re just not in the mood to party. Did you have an election, too?

Instead of a midnight rager with noisemakers and champagne, we were thinking that we could do a nice gift exchange this year. We haven’t done gifts in a while, and look! We just happen to have a short list already written-up! It’s only two items, but honestly, we’d be thrilled to get either one.

And since it’s post-Christmas, everything is on sale. So both are major bargains, we assume! And they’re not at all outrageous, so let’s get started. 

Here are two things that Aliso Viejo, but mostly just Laguna Audubon parents with kids who attend Laguna Beach schools would like to receive from the lovely, ageless, and always generous Laguna Beach: A drive-thru Starbucks at the Sawdust Festival.

You know those five or so months when Sawdust is festival-less? That’s when it could serve as a convenient place to caffeinate all the Audubon parents driving home after school drop-off. Even if Aliso parents and folks driving to work every day are the only clients that ever go, it could become one of the highest-earning Starbucks on the planet.

I know an off-season Starbucks at Sawdust may not fit your charming village character, which we LOVE, so we would totally be open to a non-Starbucks drive-through too. Maybe something with breakfast burritos? Don’t you ever crave a doughnut on the way out of town? Maybe cold-pressed juices? Actually, Starbucks is fine.

The second and final item is a bigger deal, but we know you love an eco-friendly choice: A chairlift over the canyon.

In the past, I’ve suggested a Hogwarts Express-style train to alleviate traffic on Laguna Canyon Road, which would be great, but a chairlift (like a ski lift) is a real thing. It would go from the base of the Aliso and Woods Canyon trail up to the Top of the World soccer field. 

Upon arrival, kids could toss their backpacks onto the grass and run or tumble off the lift (kids love to tumble!) These kids would all become really fantastic gymnasts, and after traveling a few miles in the cool, morning air, they’d be nice and awake for a productive day at school!

This ingenious chairlift would run continuously from whenever surfers start surfing to whenever water polo practice ends, like midnight?

So, think about it, would you please? Have your city council talk to our city council; they’ll know what to do, right?

Whatever you decide, we’re just happy to live next door to the best beach city in the world! Thank you for occasionally including us and educating some of our children.

Now, what would you like from us? Happy New Year – see you in 2023!

Victoria Kertz is an LBUSD parent and writer in Aliso Viejo.

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