MUST SELL – Bounty Hunter metal detector, like brand new, top of the line. It is too loud; when I take it in my back yard it keeps on beeping. Paid $1,300. Looking for a new hobby now. Best offer. #Looking4Gold
ANNABELLE – I am a 79-year-old retired school principal who would very much like to make the acquaintance of a gentleman dance partner. You must be well-mannered and groomed. Hair and teeth are a big plus. Must know fox trot and waltz. #DancePartner
TALL, DARK, illegally-handsome guy of 40 – going into the witness-protection program (midwest, I think). Seeking a gorgeous pen pal with late-model fast car/stunt driver preferred – must be ready for adventure. No flakes/good pay. #MarcoNotPolo
MOTOR HOME for sale. Heavy smoker/drinker must sacrifice beautiful older model for sale. No longer able to drive or travel. Needs work which I can’t afford; interior needs to be replaced & updated. Make an offer. #HomeSweetHome
GROUCHY GUS is looking for a young lady companion who will drive me around town, prepare my meals and clean my apartment. Must be good cook, driver and housekeeper. You will be well-compensated, especially after I’m gone. #MPoppins?
Irene DeBlasio, retired essayist and poet, lives in Laguna Woods.
I think all these people should chip in, buy the motor home and the metal detector, and have an adventure. Do you suppose Gus can do the fox trot?
Geedee,
What an excellent idea. Sounds like the motor home needs some elbow grease to make it habitable again — metal detectors might be able to help put it back in good shape.
Who knows about Gus and Annabelle? I have my doubts…
Best of luck to Annabelle! I think we’d all prefer a man with teeth and hair.
Great column as usual!
Many thanks, Chloe — I’ll pass your message on to Annabelle. I think you’re right about the teeth and hair — always a big plus.