MUST SELL – Bounty Hunter metal detector, like brand new, top of the line. It is too loud; when I take it in my back yard it keeps on beeping. Paid $1,300. Looking for a new hobby now. Best offer. #Looking4Gold
ANNABELLE – I am a 79-year-old retired school principal who would very much like to make the acquaintance of a gentleman dance partner. You must be well-mannered and groomed. Hair and teeth are a big plus. Must know fox trot and waltz. #DancePartner
TALL, DARK, illegally-handsome guy of 40 – going into the witness-protection program (midwest, I think). Seeking a gorgeous pen pal with late-model fast car/stunt driver preferred – must be ready for adventure. No flakes/good pay. #MarcoNotPolo
MOTOR HOME for sale. Heavy smoker/drinker must sacrifice beautiful older model for sale. No longer able to drive or travel. Needs work which I can’t afford; interior needs to be replaced & updated. Make an offer. #HomeSweetHome
GROUCHY GUS is looking for a young lady companion who will drive me around town, prepare my meals and clean my apartment. Must be good cook, driver and housekeeper. You will be well-compensated, especially after I’m gone. #MPoppins?
Irene DeBlasio, retired essayist and poet, lives in Laguna Woods.