Opinion: Pet Peeves


A Discussion With Fumbles

By Mark Crantz

Writer’s Note: I had the pleasure to interview Bob Jackson from Barstow, California.  I hooked up with Mr. Jackson through the modern marvel of ancestry.com. Mr. Jackson is the grandson of two famous cinematic character stars.

Pet Peeves: Thanks for agreeing to meet with me here in Laguna Beach. Who do you prefer I call you… Bob? Mr. Jackson?

Jackson: Actually, neither. My childhood friends call me Fumbles.

Pet Peeves: Fumbles? How’d you get that nickname?

Jackson: I played football in high school. I was the fourth string wide receiver. It was the state championship game. All the wide receivers were hurt. I got called into the game with two seconds remaining. We were down by three points. They called a Hail Mary to me.

Pet Peeves: Oh no. Don’t tell me…

Jackson: You got it. The stadium lights were super bright. I barely remember making it to the end zone. I heard the roar of the crowd. I got jostled and turned around. The ball hit me and got stuck in my butt cheeks. I swatted it away. Ended up defending my own pass. Fumbled it. Lost the game. 

Pet Peeves: That’s bad. But it could of been worse. Friends could have nicknamed you butthead, cheeky, or tushie…

Jackson: I get it. Fumbles ain’t so bad. Besides it fits. I fumbled my car keys right over a sewer today. That’s why I’m late. Sorry. Yeah, just call me Fumbles. I’m used to it.

Pet Peeves: Fumbles it is. So, let’s get to it. The reason I wanted to interview you today is because I wanted your family’s reaction to Laguna’s increase in parking meter rates. Your grandfather was famous for overreacting to parking meters.

Jackson: Yep. He cut the heads right off. Went to prison for it.

Pet Peeves: Will you follow in the steps of your famous grandfather? Are Laguna meters safe during your visits?

Jackson: Oh, sure. I won’t do that. I’ll pay like everyone else. Besides, I don’t take after my grandfather at all. I don’t eat eggs. I inherited high cholesterol from my grandmother’s side.

Pet Peeves: Who was your grandmother?

Jackson: She was a Hollywood star who had disaster follow her around where ever she went. I take after that side of the family. (SMACK. BOOM.)  Sorry. I didn’t mean to knock over your beer.

Pet Peeves: That’s OK. I was almost finished. Wasn’t much left. I could even read the meaning of life in its bottom. It said, “Have another.”

Crantz asks Indy readers to guess the ancestry.com stars. Hint: I’m not related to Fumbles. The answers are… Paul Newman and Betty Boop.  


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