Opinion: Pet Peeves

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Drone On

By Mark Crantz

By Mark D. Crantz

Laguna Beach City Council decided to replace the July 4 fireworks with a drone show. Residents are advised to close their bedroom drapes for the occasion. There will be 300 drones buzzing about that may be tempted to take a peek or two. So for residents who do not want their images projected in the sky, keep your drapes closed. The Batman signal will continue.

Of course, closing off your windows and not taking the chance to be seen by neighbors, friends, acquaintances and all miscreants on social media may not be what you want. For those residents who want to display their patriotism from the bedroom, we suggest opening the blinds and windows and setting of your car alarms in the garage. Experts have discovered that car alarms act as a honing siren to flying drones. For guaranteed exposure of your patriotism, set off the alarms at the beginning of the drone show.

Do not be worried about attracting enough drones to get social media buzzing about you. The 15-minute drone show will be enough time for you to snag a couple of drones to get your image out there. Older car alarm systems tend to be the most annoying and the most attractive to drones. This May to December phenomenon will play to your advantage for receiving the most likes on this festive occasion. To prepare, you may want to trade in the new Bentley for an old AMC Pacer to get new relationships started.

If you are a dog owner, you will be happy to know that drone shows are better received in the canine world. A recent study was eaten by the dogs surveyed but put back together to reveal that dogs love the quiet of drone shows over fireworks displays. Cats surveyed cared less one way or the other, so long as the drones were flying out of sight.

However, cats will mistake low-flying drones for birds and swat them down and eat them. These electronics are not good for cats. Wait fifteen minutes after ingestion and then point the TV remote at the cat to see if you can get lift off. Residents are advised to keep their flying cats and TV remotes for next year’s “Raining Cats” show. Bring your dogs to catch them. Should be a blast.

Drone shows are programmed for redundancy. If one of the 300 drones misfires another is programmed to step in and keep your image out there to billions of patriotic viewers. This is what the Fourth of July is all about. Declaring your Independence Day.

Crantz tells the Indy that he went out and reserved a rent-a-wreck and adopted a cat for the big occasion.

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