Pet Peeves


Green with Envy

By Mark Crantz
By Mark Crantz

I’m green with envy after reading the Indy article, “A Bond Forged In Salt Water.”  I could never wear those green bathing hats. But the Hales look quite good.  Just to double check, I went to Aliso Creek’s CVS Pharmacy and bought a white bathing cap. They were all out of Shamrock green.  “How do I look?” I asked my dog. Without a reply, she started sniffing around and pulling me to Treasure Island to hunt for silly wabbits. The dog’s right. I look like Elmer Fudd, just shorter.

Most readers were amazed that father and daughter swam six miles in the Bridge to Bridge race held in San Francisco’s frigid waters this past Aug. 9.  I was more amazed by how good they looked in green bathing caps. This is daring couture. Few people look good in hats. I’m one of them.  Look at my picture.  Do you really think the baseball cap makes me look like a major league baseball player? Well, I suppose the bags under my eyes do look like first and second bases. You have a point. It’s the whole ensemble that pulls it off.  Let’s talk more about it, right after my drug test.

I never had a bonding experience like the Hales. They set a goal. Worked hard to manage unsightly goose bumps for the photo op. Made sure there wasn’t parsley stuck in their teeth. And managed to have a dry copy of the Indy to shoot. Off camera, witnesses informed me that after the swim the Hales were forced to burn their Indy due to severe hypothermia.  As the paramedic told me, “The Indy saved them.”

I did have a bonding experience once with my daughters. It was in absentia, but we bonded about a month later. The girls went shopping. This is a marathon activity. You have to be able to stay on your feet for hours on end. The event requires contestants to see opportunities all at once. There is no going from point A to point B. Men needn’t   apply.  My daughter asked, “Should I get the red one, the white one, or the blue one?” “Get all of them. Dad’s paying,” answered her sister.  And a month later, I saw on my credit card notice that she followed her sister’s advice. They’re very patriotic in color choice and I was glad to help out in America’s last recession.  I cashed in my bonds to pay for it.

Now the girls are grown and gone. I believe from the look on my son-in-laws’ faces that they’re still up to these bonding marathons. I’ve already come to that bridge and crossed it. And if my son-in-laws know what’s good for them, they won’t burn their bridges before they come to it. You got to swim with the current. That’s what being the Hales and hearty is all about.  Just ask Tom and Faith Hale, if you don’t believe me.


Mark is a transplant to Laguna from Chicago.  He occasionally writes the guest column “Pet Peeves.”  His recently deceased Border Collie, Pokey, is his muse and ghostwriter.

Share this:


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here