Pet Peeves

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By Mark D. Crantz

Six projects. Six flags…Amusement 4-1. A city council majority recently approved the review of projects for Mo Honarkar’s Laguna Beach Company. The projects include the Cleo Hotel, the Museum Hotel, the Hotel Laguna and, well, a bunch more. It’s easier to say Mo is doing all the projects in Laguna Beach, except for two. I went to speak with the two developers who have had their projects delayed because of Mo.

Larry and Curly met me at the Hive. “Why meet here?” I asked. Larry delayed answering having become preoccupied by a wide tooth comb caught in his fringe hair. Finally he answered, “This here is another Mo project. The Laguna Arts and Design College has engaged Mo to look into moving the campus down the road to the Hive.” At hearing this explanation, Curly was overcome by a fit. He slapped his face, ran in place, and chanted over and over, “Mo, Larry cheese, Mo, Larry, cheese.” I asked Larry, “What’s wrong with him?” Larry answered, “Curly is saying More Larry…I need cheese. See, Curly is lactose too tolerant. He needs large quantities of cheese to keep himself on an even keel.” I scratched my head. “But that doesn’t explain why we’re meeting at the Hive.” Larry yanked his comb free and yelped, “It’s rather self-evident. Cheese comes from hives. Bees make cheese. Mo is interfering with the care Curly needs.”

I didn’t know how to break it to them that bees make honey, not cheese. So, I broke the news gently. “Look around guys. The Hive has restaurants and shops. Everything but a beehive.” Larry and Curly looked around. They weren’t having any of it. Curly said, “Bees hide their hives. I can hear them buzzing underground. They’re making cheese right now.” Larry cupped his ear and nodded his agreement. Now, I felt a fit coming on. I slapped my face, ran in place, totally lost it and screamed, “Mo, Larry, honey, Mo, Larry, honey.”

Some time later, I awoke to find my body buried in the sand at Main Beach. My head was exposed and covered in honey. “Do you feel better?” asked Larry and Curly. “We took you to the beach to recover. Take all the time you need to get better. Would you like more honey?” I gave them the stink eye. “No mo’ honey. I’ll attract ants.” Larry and Curly laughed. “No you won’t. We set up picnics all around you. Ants go to picnics. They won’t go to you. And guess what?” “What?” I asked.

“Mo doesn’t own Main Beach. It’s a perfect place for us to develop. And because of you, Curly’s ‘lactose too tolerant’ affliction is a thing of the past. We’ve decided to go into the honey business with you. You’re our first beehive. Mo, Larry, Peeves.”

Crantz tells the Indy that he doesn’t enjoy his new business venture. He’s buried in work and can’t seem to hand off any of it to Larry and Curly.




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