Pet Peeves


Cuban Sandwich

By Mark D. Crantz
By Mark D. Crantz

I love the Cuban sandwich. So of course, I was very interested in President Obama’s recent trip to Cuba. I put a call in to the White House and placed a Cuban sandwich order. I’m checking the sky now for my Amazon delivery. How much do you tip a drone?

I’m thrilled that the Cuban embargo will be lifted. My wife is always looking for a new travel destination. And I’m always looking to accommodate her. Years ago, I encouraged her to go and see Guantanamo Bay. I got a one-way, no-return ticket for 100 years and 36,300 nights stay at a no-frills, all-thrills getaway. She was all set to go with a travel group made up of Federal Marshall housewives, when she checked “Yelp” for reviews. One stated, “I was so excited, but when I got there the social director had every minute of every day planned out. I had no time to myself.” Another review griped, “All I do is stand in lines. I can do that at home. I miss home. Hi to everybody in Des Moines.”

My wife balked and went to Paris. I argued that Paris wasn’t a Laguna Beach sister city. She should go to Menton, France. She put her foot down. My head was in the way. I’m not sure where she went or when she might be back. I can’t worry too much because of a headache that just came out of nowhere. If anyone out there knows where my wife went, please write to let me know. Her name is Debbie. Or Betty? Can’t seem to clear my head these days. Use either. I just want her back.

I watched the president’s address in Cuba. He is a skillful orator. He thanked everybody. The Cuban government. The Cuban revolutionaries. The Cuban people who stayed. The Cuban people who left. And the 1957 Chevys that served both the stays and lefts as the most reliable means of transport wherever you want to go or idle.

The president thanked his family, too. He thanked his wife, Michelle. He thanked his children, Malia, Boris and Natasha. He paused and took a breath. “And none of this would be possible today without the okay from my mother-in-law, Marian. Marian told me to lift the embargo. I did what I was told to live another day. And the Cuban government, Cuban revolutionaries, Cuban citizens, Cuban exiles should do the same if they realize what’s good for them. I know because Marian told me so.”

Marian was not at the welcoming ceremony to hear these fond remarks from her son-in-law. She was busy back at Air Force One loading up Cuban sandwiches, Cuban rum and Havana cigars for the return trip home. I support Marian’s efforts as leader of the free world to make sure my Cuban sandwich has a drink and after lunch cigar to go with it.

“Viva Las Marian.”


Chevrolet does not endorse or sponsor this column, but does agree with Crantz, “See the USA in your Chevrolet.”     


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