Wisdom Workout


The Verb of Love

By Susan McNeal Velasquez

Valentines Day is all about love. In our aggressive society, it is easy to ignore this opportunity to let down and enjoy the small pause points that come when we participate in the art of celebration.

If we turn love into a verb, it has the power to transform the quality of all of our relationships. “I wish that I had a special someone…” is a response that our intellect naturally goes to when we are faced with societal expectations that make this predominately a couple’s only event.

When external expectations, whether real or imagined, take up residence in our mind, our fight/flight response is triggered and we start looking for the enemy.

If we aren’t mindful and respectful of our thoughts and feelings, we can be reduced to shadow boxing the air, in a hyper-vigilant attempt to win an argument that only exists as a fantasy.

When that doesn’t produce any relief, we will start punching ourselves, or those closest to us, sinking our lovability factor down to single digits.

If we are a party of one in a Noah’s ark world, let’s switch tracks and recalibrate our thoughts about our relationship with ourselves. The goal is to suit up and show up right now, so that we can embrace the power to choose our future one step at a time.

Many premises about how to manage our lives responsibly have been turned upside-down. Be a smart investor, work hard, be persistent in your chosen field, and it will pay off later. Suck it up, pay the up-front prices and you will have a safe and secure future is another of the accepted standards of responsible living. If we do what is right, are responsible and follow the rules, everything will work out right. If the prepackaged plan doesn’t work out the way we thought it would, we start feeling punished.

What is wrong here?

Let’s break it down. A healthy intellect is capable of assessing past decisions and projecting future outcomes by using the skill of comparison. A clear mind, with a specific intent, makes discerning choices. The more discerning we become, the greater the chance of positive outcomes from our decision-making.

Solid problem solving is ego enhancing. We feel capable and lovable. Therefore, when our supposedly sound decisions ‘go south’ we are left with free-floating feelings of guilt and anxiety.

To protect our bruised ego from the embarrassment of feeling wrong, our intellect goes into overdrive. It gets stuck in reverse and uses our imagination to recoup the future we envisioned by resurrecting past decisions that we didn’t make. “I should have, I could have, I wish I had, I regret that I…” sinking our vitality and zest for living to all-time lows.

There is real power in our ability to imagine when we use it constructively.

The first step is to make a firm decision to respect the factual wisdom in our thoughts and our feelings. One of the quickest ways to do that is to evaluate the experiences by asking is what happened a fact or a fault? Am I at fault? Are you at fault? Am I obsessively blaming myself or someone else for the way things turned out? If so, it is an indicator that there are unacknowledged circumstances and feelings that need to be listened to and accepted to bring about peace of mind. This will stop the runaway, obsessive thinking about things that you are powerless to change.

As a result, we can stop dramatizing our situations but at the same time, make sure to own the real heart hurts that must be acknowledged, accepted and respected.

When we open our minds and hearts to own all of our experiences, simple abundance is invited to take root in our daily lives.

When we use the light of love to embrace our unresolved experiences, the ample abundance of love that surrounds us here and now is free to take up residence in our hearts. Happy Valentine’s Day.


Susan McNeal Velasquez writes and facilitates on-going self-discovery groups locally and is the author of BEYOND INTELLECT: Journey Into the Wisdom of Your Intuitive Mind. Learn more at: susanvelasquez.com or (949) 494-7773.

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  1. When I started to read your article, I thought that it was going to talk about how to fulfill that “I wish that I had a special someone…” wish.

    So, I had another read.

    And I still didn’t get it.

    I had to slow down. I mean… sloooooooooooow down. Read a sentence. What does that mean to me?

    Finally, I understood that you are offering some tools to love ourselves, and love the choices and decisions we’ve made, so that we can be present here and now. And I guess like the saying “you must love yourself before you can love another”.

    I think it took me a good 30 minutes to an hour to just sit with my journal in front of me and answer your questions. The answers weren’t really forthcoming, but then they came. It takes a lot of work! This stuff isn’t easy! I guess that is why so many people just pop a pill.


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