Walking Your Talk
People who are willing to own their insecurities engender trust. Inner security requires that we take ownership of both our wins and losses. Emotional security is acquired by investing the time and energy to discover our core needs and values.
As children, we ingest the attitudes and beliefs of our family of origin. When those learned values go unquestioned, our lives become driven by external forces. Our inherited family values may be solid and worthy but it is still necessary to personally examine and then directly choose them as our own or reject them as we discover our needs, desires and goals.
For example, perhaps you were brought up in a family that values intellectual pursuits and achievements. Suppose your natural style is relationship oriented and you have a personality style that is easygoing, supportive, and non-competitive?
A conflict can arise between your need for connection with others and your familial top values of mental challenges and external achievements.
Left unexplored and swallowed whole, you could spend the rest of your life feeling less than and inadequate because you don’t measure up to the standards of your learned programming. The incompatibility between your need for strong connections and your learned value of high achievement could leave your thoughts and feelings in serious conflict.
If you strive for accomplishment and become competitive with others, you will think your actions are good but you will feel bad. If you maintain accepting, easy relationships and give up high achievement to be more cooperative and amiable, you will feel good but think your non-competitive stance is bad.
Walking our talk requires that we intentionally decide to discover our unique way of seeing the world and consciously choose to establish values that are congruent with our needs and desires. Our thoughts and feelings can then begin to work in tandem.
Conflict and confusion between our thoughts and feelings ends because we actively begin to take responsibility for meeting our own needs. We choose values to live by and a code of ethics from which we can direct our lives. When our core values are clearly defined, we can then identify those pursuits that will give our lives direction and meaning. We will be able to envision a life purpose that is guided by values that are current and alive with personal meaning rather than stagnant and inherited from someone else’s pursuits.
When we are adrift without a purpose that lifts us above our insecurities, all we have is our moment-to-moment thoughts and feelings.
When we make the decision to take ownership of our lives, we must be willing to pay at least three up front prices.
We must be visible, vulnerable, and willing to open to guidance from our spiritual source.
A place to start is to begin to ask deeper questions:
What is missing in my life? What do I stand for? What do I truly value? Does my behavior reflect my core values? Do I have principles that I honor with my behavior? Am I trustworthy? Do I trust myself? If not, why not?
When we take the time to delve under the surface of our habitual lives, we can then begin to build a strong foundation of self-knowledge built from a blending of our unique needs, desires and values so that we can truly walk our talk.
Susan is the author of Beyond Intellect: Journey into the Wisdom of Your Intuitive Mind. Reach her at susanvelasquez.com.
