Wisdom Workout: Paradox

By Susan McNeal Velasquez
By Susan McNeal Velasquez

Have you noticed that if you attempt to care deeply about everyone and everything, you end up stretched so thin that you become brittle, numb and uncaring?

On the other hand, if you decide to live with a protective attitude, limiting your caring to only a few people, places and things, your wellspring of curiosity, wonder and surprise dries up? You begin to slide down the slippery slope into stagnant mental and emotional rigidity until you end up, brittle, numb and uncaring.

The July 4 celebration ushers in our summer season, and friends and family head to Laguna for the festivals. The demands can become overwhelming if you say yes too often, or you can miss the magic by adopting the “I hate the summer season” mantra and refuse to participate.

An antidote to traveling in the fast lane with a malfunctioning brake pedal and a stuck gas pedal is to set one clear personal intention in place that will give you valuable guidance on when it is in your best interests to say yes and when to say no.

An important question to ask is: “What is the predominant experience I want to have during this season?” Take a moment to give yourself time to allow your answer to bubble up.

What would feed and support your ability to comfortably care for yourself and feel good about your involvement with others?

Do you need to reach out and extend yourself or withdraw to get your bearings? Do you need to stretch out of your comfort zone to bring in more experiences of the delightful kind? Or do you need to let down, let go and lighten up?

Is there someone that you are holding a grudge against that is blocking you from enjoying family or friends? Have you stopped allowing any opportunities for enjoyment from touching you because of unexamined negative beliefs clogging up your mind and heart?

Give yourself the gift of one intentional statement set in place as a result of you taking time to assess your current needs and how they can be met while respecting your values. Exercise your right to choose what experiences you want to attract.

Formulate this statement in the present tense. Here are some examples: I am open and receptive to new experiences. I am safe and secure enough to say yes. I am doing the best I can with the time and energy I currently have available. I am opening to new experiences. I am willing to extend myself. I am taking excellent care of myself. I am allowing myself to say no without feeling guilty. I am conserving my energy by creating some quiet time for myself.

Your individualized “I am” statement will serve as an anchor to your inner core. This opens a connection to your intuitive wisdom and guidance. It gives a clear direction on what to say yes to and when to decline, guided by your self-knowledge.

Be realistic about what you care about and what you don’t care about. The trick is to honor your yes’s, honor your no’s and refrain from making what you don’t care about wrong. Making believe that you care about everything is simply an immature image management technique to give us permission to avoid being honest with ourselves.

Give yourself the gift of increased self-respect by listening to, honoring and caring for yourself so that you can genuinely extend your best self to others.


Susan is the author of “Beyond Intellect: Journey Into the Wisdom of Your Intuitive Mind.” For seminars and consulting services contact her at: susanvelsquez.com.

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